Holiday Blues...

Life's not easy...I know...But what does one do when life seems to get progressively from bad to worse?...One day I'm perfectly sure of what I want,but the very next day,I'm wonderin is that really what i want...Ya...I suppose my confusion is something I can attribute to my age...But then again..Isn't age just a state of mind?Hence,My state of mind suddenly comes under the scanner... Mind you..I'm no nutcase..(Pretty sure thats wat u r thinking right now!:))..sometimes my thouht process makes me feel wise beyond my age...at other times..I think.."How thick could I get?!".. I love to argue..N for reasons unfathomable to myself,I love to be on the other side...Simply to contradict the popular view...Somehow,it seems to give me a high... As long as there is someone jobless enough to sit n argue with me,things r great!But when I don't have an opponent,I seem to argue with myself....Do I contradict myself?...Just for academic interest I suppose...I seem to have a clear idea about what i dont want...But as for what I really want...Well..I still dunno.. There was a time when I used to base my decisions on my gut feeling..(Intuition n stuff..)..but off late I'm unable to hear my inner voice..................... Tragic isn't it?I love to sympathise with my state of mind from a third person's point of view(creepy I know..)..Through all my ups and downs,I always know what part of the current situation was my fault..N I readily accept it...What drives me wild is when the offender doesn't own up to his/her part of the damage.. Its a popular opinion regarding me that I'm too open,honest,straightforward for my own good...Ya so?..At least I don't have to resort to pretence to get my way around...Saves me so much of time and effort..Personally,I wish people would stop playing silly mind games ..It is indecent and disgusting...nd frankly I fail to understand how they can retain all the details of their make-believe life..And besides once their game is up(...how embarassing for them..)..I wonder will their life ever be the same again.. One of the cardinal rules according to me is,'never break my trust'..I'll forgive murder,stealing,lying(under extreme circumstances of course!!),but not breach of trust...coz most relationships are based on trust...I understand nobody is perfect..that includes myself...and I'm ok with it..So why pretend being someone you are not when some day the cat will definitely be outta the bag?