Disha Diaries

Part 2

Her Project Manager walked up to her. "It's Christmas Eve , Disha. You still working?" Disha gave him the most disdainful look she could manage. Then quickly rearranged her facial features to what she hoped would pass off as a smile.She Replied,"Yes, Rajesh. I should be done in 10 minutes."

He gave her ,what she deemed as the most fake smile she had ever seen.Of course,it was a smile every manager has to master in order to get their "team" to deliver,on time."You must not work such long hours.It is not a good practice you know". "Yes Rajesh",she smiled back sweetly.Only that she was hoping something really heavy fell on his head at that very moment."Of course I do know that,you fool!!But if you endorse such words of wisdom,either have reasonable dates of delivery,or stay out of my hair!!!Stop crying about deadlines!!",she thought.

All of a sudden she felt very sad.While graduating her 10th std,her slam book read:

Likes: Honesty,Assertiveness

Dislikes: Liars,Hypocrites

Motto: Never compromise on your personal values.

She thought,"I was so sure of myself back then. I wouldn't bend, even under extreme duress. I had my pride, and I was one satisfied person.And now,I am perhaps the biggest hypocrite in the world!I mean,look at me - I have no friends,I don't talk to my family and I hate my job. I am only hiding from my failures and running away from problems. I would be a successful escape artist,only if I wasn't a prisoner of my head".

Then ,she thought of him.She always thought of him when she felt low."If only....",she shook her head."Shake it off!!You told you wouldn't go back there!He's gone.It's better off this way.You know that.",said the voice that only woke,when she needed to be alone.She obeyed.

And then a tear rolled down her cheek.She wiped it away ,just as she had done,so many times in the past.She resumed with her coding.That's the good thing about corporates.There is always enough work to numb out any feelings.

Disha Diaries

Part I

Disha had been hunching over the monitor for most of the past 2 hours. She felt a slight pain shooting up her back."Maybe I've managed spondilitis..finally",she thought.She leaned back and flexed her fingers. It was 7 p.m. But being a developer in the IT industry,it only translated to 'the day was still young'. 'And you are growing old',thought Disha,cynically.

"Age is just a number. A state of the mind.You are as young or old as you feel".Disha remembered having endorsed these words very earnestly,at an extempore.The words that captivated the audience back then,somehow failed to impress mommie dearest.

Mom had taken to chanting -"Why won't you get married? We aren't getting any younger you know?Your dad will retire next year.Don't you want to settle down? I have seen this boy for you...really handsome..your horoscopes match too......"...and mom went into one of her irrelevant tangents that Disha had skillfully learned to tune out now. Disha smiled wryly to herself.

Disha,at 23, had dark circles around her eyes,once she relieved them of her glasses. She had a perennial smattering of acne on her face. She never knew whether to attribute it to pollution,stress or her genes.(Genes were a poor excuse.After all,her sisters had very clear skin.) Her hair,in her own words,"was a nightmare".Limp and lifeless."But then again," she wondered,"aren't they dead cells anyway?".

She was often told she needed a "makeover"."Yeah right",she'd scoff at them.And then discreetly check the next object capable of reflecting her face.The reflection merely scowled back at her."Stupid mirror!It is the inner beauty that really counts",she affirmed to herself.For the umpteenth time.

Not an adult, just a child

Walking down the memory lane,
I think of times that were more sane,
When i was free to be crazy and wild,
not a grown up,just a child...


How I miss those carefree times,
of simple math and nursery rhymes
I don't know if innocence applies here,
But there was definitely a lack of fear,
when imaginations could run wild,
not a grown up,just a child..

Incomplete homeworks , games all day long,
Life seemed a perpetual song,
Birthdays meant pouncing upon sweets and cakes,
inviting unwarranted stomach aches,
And just to stay away from school,
faking fevers and headaches.
And then couldn't deal with colds that were mild,
Not a grown up,just a child.

Now through my languid gaze,
I wonder where are those days,
Of laughter and fights,
learning the wrongs from the rights,
tears that followed,
pride to be swallowed,
my transition to an adult from a child

And love came calling....

From Inky-Gray to crystal blue,

Every season you have been through,

The colors of the sky and the seasons change,

Experiencing a spectacular range,

Having been through heaven and hell,

Lots to say,but nothing to tell,

Have the feelings made you numb?

Why do you stand,so mute ,so dumb?

Having ridden the crest and trough,

You have become really tough,

So why does the past,break into your shell,

creating an unrest,making you unwell?

And now when you have a spine of steel,

What's that once again you feel?

Sweet scents and rain droplets falling,

Once more,has love come calling?

Spread the goodwill...

It's not about trying to sound sagacious.Every so often one hears someone complaining about everything that is wrong with their lives.Every morning ,the crowd I see seems so caught up in the hustle-bustle of life.There is no sense of cheer on their faces.It's all about -"What's in store for me today?" and it's not even a happy tone.

It's true everyone has their own issues to deal with,their own challenges to face.But in the process,they have forgotten to take a break.You know,to appreciate the simpler things in life.Typically,"to stop and smell the roses".The one who dares to stop,automatically becomes a slow poke.

Whats' the rush?Where do you have to go?The ambitious ones are laughing--"Ya right!Like we have the time to tell.You stay in wonderland.We have some getting ahead in life to do".The lazy ones are freaking,"Please don't do this.You'll take away our identity and joy in life!!"

Two extremely valid points.Although that wasn't really what I was talking about.Did you see the sunrise today in spite of waking up early?Did you smell the morning air?Did you notice the rose in your garden?

Did you listen to your thoughts?Did you observe your feelings?Life goes on..in ways you could possibly not fathom.But be sure you make time to feel good about yourself.Thank God for the miracle of life.Spread joy ,cheer and a smile on someone's face everyday:)

Spread the goodwill...for life is short,but why shouldn't it be happy?

Packrat no more!!

"Gain of entropy eventually is nothing more nor less than loss of information". From a layman's point of view entropy is nothing but the degree of randomness in a closed system.But this particular definition is more of a tongue -in-cheek statement if deciphered carefully.Translated--The more opinions you get,the more confused you get!!!:)

While from a thermodynamic point of view,information is considered to be heat and is further simplified as energy,in a social setting such as ours,it leads to chaos,which eventually is entropy!!

Indians have this innate herd mentality.They don't experiment much.They stick to the tried and tested methods.Is it because of following traditions diligently,or pure laziness,one could never tell for sure.Indians lack neither intelligence,nor imagination.What they do lack,is the independence to make their own choices.They are afraid of failing more than in any other part of the world,simply because they are brought up in the belief that to fail is shameful.It is almost a crime here.

While westerners profess that -Failures are the stepping stone to success",back home,one failure draws a billion comparisons to the one who succeeded and criticisms for the one who didn't.Sadly,sometimes,it also decides the fate of an individual's life.

Every exam result announcement is followed by a spate of suicides.Every defeat in a sport is followed by an analysis,re-analysis and ultimate post-mortem of the defeat, by a panel of "experts".Mind you,these "experts" also consist of people who have absolutely no clue about either the game in question,or any other question for that matter!!The underlying idea here is that these experts,represent the common man,the questions the masses are seeking answers to.In other words,it represents the crowd.

But what is a crowd?It is the most random collection of people.It is the most perfect representation of the second law of thermodynamics.Watch them,observe them - in the market,theatre or bus station.Individually people may have minds of their own.But does the crowd have a mind?They come,they go,they cross each other,with no definite purpose in mind.Ever wondered why crowd control is a difficult job?

Discouraging sports in lieu of academics?Taking up engineering while your heart is in literature?Or working in the fields while you yearn to make music?Going to a job you hate everyday just coz it pays?Coz that's what is the right thing and that's what everyone else does.Really?

It's not about idealism."Be practical!What else will you do?"Being practical is what is tried and tested.But how would you know what else can be achieved unless you try?"What would the neighbours think?".Honestly,the neighbours have issues of their own to deal with.And your neighbours are not in-charge of your happiness.You are!

So what will it be then - follow the crowd or follow your dreams??

Just like a waving flag!!

That's a popular track this season...K'Naan's "waving flag" that is,what with the football world cup coming up.Quite a catchy tune.And my latest "happy song".Ya,it kinda puts me in a great frame of mind.Tells me - anything is possible,,,and all this even before I discovered what the lyrics were!!!It's probably the spirit of the song.

I was thinking,when a song composed so long ago can carry it's spirit to this day,what about me?
I am indeed a living spirit,aren't I?And a spirit will propagate only what it's been fed on.When that's the kind of simple logic that's being applied,it is only plain old common sense,that you fill your spirit with positive emotions.Shun out anything that makes you feel low.Just smile,believe your happiness is on its way,and wait.Patiently.

Don't ruffle any feathers.Don't exert yourself.If your part is done,the rest will follow.It is coming.Just wait, and watch:)

Been away for a while..

I knew I haven't blogged in while,but I didn't realize it had been this long!Well, my life is beginning to see a lot of positive changes!!For starters,My post has started of on a positive note:) I am now the proud holder of a 2 and 4-wheeler driver's license:P.

I am able to make time to pursue my "original love" - writing.I have composed quite a few poems and articles in these past months.Just that they didn't make it to the blog.Just as well.

Have decided to give my life a new direction.And this time I know it's the right thing because I actually feel good about it!I have never felt more sure of myself in a very long time.Interestingly,I don't even doubt my chances this time around.I think I am finally off my 8-year long exile from myself.How do I know?

My original confidence and arrogance is back!!Go figure!:D