You know,my last two posts,are simply garbage!!Well,I am my own worst critic, and ,presently ,I was being polite about my own piece of work.It's a very simple truth.I was trying to write about things that I seriously don't care about.Things that are not close to my heart.And I can see,the effort,at showing fake concern,quite frankly bombed!:)
I am an IAS aspirant.So,here I was,trying to be all dignified and show concern about the matters that bog the world.Now I realize,dignity is not as important as integrity.With integrity,dignity follows,naturally.
It's just that,I tried to show concern about things that don't really affect me at a grassroot level.It's very simple.One can only show concern about those things that affect them. Concern is an emotion.Not a diplomatic word.It brings in the concept of morality and care,empathy and sympathy.And when one acts dignified(for dignity is not a natural state,it is a practised art,just like deception),one is basically masquerading their actual feelings and emotions.
Try expecting dignity from a beggar.You might come across a rare one with steely eyes,filled with intensity.You say,"My God!! What attitude!Can you imagine,he's just a beggar!!"Your reaction is always emotional.And you expect to see misery in the beggar.But if you threw money at the beggar's face,and then he places you with an intense look,registering your insult,it does unnerve you.
He just exercised his integrity.He's not a destitute by choice,but your rudeness was.And you are equally aware of the fact.And believe it or not,it makes you feel really good about yourself. When you look at someone less fortunate compared to yourself,you automatically feel relief that you are not in that person's position,that you were spared the shame/embarassment/grief/misfortune/whatever. Even Gandhiji's talisman draws in on this fact,whether one realizes it or not. The world is indeed sinister.;)
Off late,I have been going through the blogs and posts of several IAS/UPSC aspirants.A very interesting one reads"I want to be an honestIAS officer!!Please help!!!".
Honestly!It's not merely laughable,it's pathetic.The choice of words "want to be honest" shows self-doubts about the candidates character. And the words "An honest IAS officer",shows that the concept of dishonest IAS officer has been institutionalized.Pathetic,how easily it has been accepted.And the worst,"Please help!!" Hahahaaha! Dude!Help yourself!Don't become one! Imagine,as a district collector/District Commisioner/Cabinet Secretary you are faced with a war/drought/flood/tsunami like situation and you reiterate those very words!Frankly demoralizing!
No.I am not telling all of us are born with these answers.Most of us don't even know how to get through one whole day without causing any major disasters.But,you need to have enough faith in yourself to deal with your turmoils.Yes ,help will follow when needed.But you should be the leader in your situation,and be able to handle it.I don't know who quoted this,"If you don't have faith in yourself,then who will?".But ,it definitely is worth pondering over.
I believe I am a great writer.I made my foray into social networking sites,a few years back.With due respect to them,on facebook and orkut,I don't find anything that stimulates my mind like when I am left alone with my own thoughts.Does that make me a narcissist?I don't know.Maybe I am obnoxious.But this is who I am. I am not afraid of my identiy.Nor ashamed of it.Whatever I am today,was because of wherever I chose to be at whichever point in my life.I am but the morphosis of my journey,not an end product in itself,for I have not attained my end,yet.
Poverty ,Hunger ,Domestic ,Wage earners who are underpaid-now these things affect me. Social inequality,practise of caste system,male chauvinism,they bother me.But the real problem that enrages me-freedom- the definition,the boundaries,the whole circus around it.We have constitutions written around it.What we can,and what we can't do.Who determines it? You were born free.The moment they determine your sex,you lost half your freedom,and when you were registered as a citizen,you lose what's remaining too:D
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